No, it doesn't end tonight.

The feeling sucks. Chinese A's is in two days time and i'm not doing anything about it. Not like I can, actually. Maybe I could read through the Chinese "textbook" (if I can find it at all), but how much good would that do for me? It's not as if studying that way would get me more marks. Maybe I could do the TYS, but its not as if the same questions will come out. Maybe I could read some notes. Hmm, what notes?

I absolutely stoned at home today. Watched The Bourne Supremacy, Fear Factor and some show on HBO, but couldn't really enjoy it because Chinese was always on the back of my mind. It's only today that it really struck me, that I could possibly fail this exam, and have to retake it again next year. D7 doesn't seem that achievable anymore. Scary shit.

There's nothing I or anyone else can do to help the situation. The whole year round i've been counting on my own luck and other people's answers to scrape through with my Chinese. I don't understand the comprehension, summary and cloze passages. I don't understand most of the MCQ either, and its all more guess-work than anything else. It's been working so far, but I can't help thinking what if my luck's run out?

I know worrying doesn't help anything. That's what even I sometimes tell others. But worrying isn't really a choice that you make. Its like a feeling that you feel. You can't tell yourself not to feel happy or sad, you just feel it. I haven't felt this way in a real long time. (Not that i miss it.) ugh...